Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
