Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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