I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
