He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
