This is not my ceiling
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
