Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
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He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Text me some of your sweat
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