its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
