guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i think my cat just said my name.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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