I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
