Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
