After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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