Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
