I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
