he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
