and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
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We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize