hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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