One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
