Me. At least after what I've been through.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
