Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
