Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize