Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
