Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
