I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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