I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
