After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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