nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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