so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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