I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
