maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
