How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
