when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
