If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
