a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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