Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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