I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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