would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
