What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
