then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
