My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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