I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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