whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
