my soul wont recognize me after tonight
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I have feelings that need drinking.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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