are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
just come out here and I will go home with you...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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