Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
