Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
