cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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