you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize