so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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