I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
