Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I deserve this hangover.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
