Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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