i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
