That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
