I think I am morally bankrupt
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
