What did we do last night that was yellow?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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