I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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