Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
