Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
