I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
