It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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