tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
