Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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