we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
