man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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