My vagina just recognized that song.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
