His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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