and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
