I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
