I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dicks are not precious.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
