Where is the hickey?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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