I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
