remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
